sex is a lot like a hot bath
once you get your balls in the worst part’s over and you can get your torso and arms and stuff in
i’ve never had sex
I just found out I’m related to a child eating serial killer.
There’s this asshole who every time he sees me with my ukulele he thinks he’s funny and asks “Can you play any Metallica?” but the joke is now on him because I just learned how to play the intro riff to Master of Puppets.
I did it. I fucking did it. He asked me again just like I knew he would and I stared him straight in the eyes without blinking and just fucking shredded on my ukulele